No Access, No Excuses: How European Football Puts Responsibility Where It Belongs

When we moved from North America to Portugal, one of the first cultural shocks in football wasn’t about tactics, talent, or facilities — it was about access.

More specifically, who gets access to the coach.

In North America, it’s normal for parents to approach coaches after games or send a quick message to discuss playing time, positions, or team direction. Sometimes it’s a friendly conversation, other times it’s a polite complaint. But it’s part of the system — parents are involved.

Here in Europe, it’s the complete opposite

In Europe, Parents Stay Silent

In Portugal, parents don’t talk to the coach. Not about lineups, not about playing time, not even about how their son or daughter is feeling about the team. The line between the coach and the family is firmly drawn.

The moment you step onto the club grounds, it’s understood — your child is the player, and the coach is in charge.

If your child makes the roster, great. If they don’t, that’s football. Nobody questions it, and no parent can change it.

There’s no “Can we have a chat about minutes?” or “He’s feeling overlooked.”

None of that.

You simply accept it, support your child, and move on.

Where the Responsibility Belongs

At first, it can be a tough adjustment as a parent. You want to protect, to advocate, to understand. But here, that responsibility belongs entirely to the player.

If they want to play, they have to show it every single day in training.

They have to earn the coach’s trust through their performance and attitude.

There are no shortcuts, no conversations, no favours.

It’s a system built entirely on merit — and while it can be brutal, it’s also refreshingly honest.

Hard Truths, Valuable Lessons

This culture forces young players to grow up fast. They learn to handle disappointment without parental intervention. They learn accountability — that every training session is an opportunity to prove themselves.

And for parents, it’s a humbling reminder that our role is not to manage our child’s football journey, but to support it from the sidelines.

We cheer when they play, we comfort when they don’t.

But we don’t interfere.

That’s how it works here — and truthfully, it’s probably how it should work everywhere.